Hey =] I'm in Japan right now and I wrote this last night so I'm posting it now. I will post about today also in the next post. Sorry it's pretty depressing! I was feeling quite sad and lonely when I wrote it, but I'm a lot better now so don't worry =]  --------->

I'm writing this at 9pm Japan time, and I'm pretty exhausted, but I want to write out everything that happened on my journey into Japan and my first day here in Fukuoka.

I got up at 4am and my dad came to take my to the airport. I put on the necklace my mum had bought me and given to me the night before, and the ring that Alex got me.

 I said a really tearful goodbye to my cat and was already crying for most of the journey. Alex was being really brave and kept on trying to cheer me up by being silly and tickling me and stuff, but I was still really sad. And I knew he was as well.

We got to the airport and checked in my bags and stuff, and then we had almost 3 hours to wait until I could board the plane. We went to Gregg's and I had some orange juice and a pain au chocolat. I was still crying in and out and I felt really sick. I'd taken a couple of diazepam but I still felt like I was just going to break down. I'm actually getting upset again just writing about it.

When I had to go through the gate I had to say goodbye to my mum and dad and Alex. I was properly crying and felt really scared and sad. The man at the checkout asked me if I was okay but I couldn't really answer because I was too upset.

When I was on my way to the check in gate I called my mum and Alex and said goodbye again and told them I was alright, and Martin called too to wish me luck. My dad sent me a lovely text that said: "good luck we are all so proud of you. Love times a million and some more. We are sticking around to see your plane off". They went up onto the roof to see my plane go.

The plane to Frankfurt was really scary. There was quite a bit of turbulance during taking off and landing, so I took a couple more diazepams and fell asleep. I was really frightened before I fell asleep though, the plane was really lurching and I was holding onto the seat so hard and trying not to cry in front of all the people. I was given a little pot of granola cereal and a probiotic yoghurt. I ate the cereal but not the yoghurt, and had some apple juice.

When I got into Frankfurt I called my mum again to tell her I was there okay, and I spoke to Alexy a little bit, but I couldn't too much because it cost a lot to use my mobile from Germany. I met Sophie at the check in gate for the plane to Tokyo Narita, although we didn't get a seat together. I watched an episode of Scrubs and then tried to watch Super 8 but I couldn't really get into it. I was just too tired and my brain wasn't working. There was a talking book on the inflight entertainment that I listened to but I can hardly remember anything about it. I was so tired so I tried to sleep, but I felt sad and couldn't switch off. So then I turned on the screen again and watched a movie with Owen Wilson in called Midnight in Paris, which I really enjoyed. And then did I fall asleep for a bit, and when I woke up it was only 3 hours left so I watched an episode of Desperate Housewives and a program about a baby black bear being reared by some people after it was rescued.

It was a really long flight, but not too scary. It was a really huge plane and didn't really move around very much because I suppose it had more weight to balance it. I didn't enjoy myself very much, but I wasn't totally freaking out the whole way. I think I took 2 diazepam tablets the whole 10 hours.

I was supposed to get a proper meal, but all I ended up eating was a tiny packet of pretzels because I fell asleep for about half an hour just as they gave out the food, and I'd missed the opportunity. I was really upset by that, just because it was stupid and I was really hungry and I knew I wouldn't get anything else for ages. I didn't get any food at all then until the morning when I had a weird little German omlette and a tiny bread roll with some jam.

We got into Tokyo Narita and had to get our bags and check them in again, which wasn't as hard as I was afraid it would be because all of the airport staff spoke English. I got a bottle of orange and bergamot tea that I really liked, but had to leave some behind when we went through the baggage check. The flight from Tokyo to Fukuoka was horrible. I was really freaked out and upset again because the plane was really rocking and moving, and there was a window right by me that I couldn't close that I could see out of, and it was really hard to turn away. I took a pill and fell asleep for most of it, but it was only 1 and a half hours any way.

When we got into Fukuoka and went through customs again there were two girls there waiting for us with a sign with out names on. We got a taxi together straight to international house. The journey in the taxi was hard because I was so tired and I wanted to talk and be sociable but my brain just wouldn't think of anything to say. We talked a little bit, but I was just useless.

At International House they gave me my room key and showed me around the kitchen, wash room, lobby etc. It was very nice of them to help us, but I was happy to get into my own room and have a shower and put my stuff away.

My room is a lot like the one I had in James Baillie halls, except quite a bit bigger. There is a big french window at the front with a balcony, and the sliding door opens and there's a bug net in between so I can have it open but not worry about bugs getting in. There is a small bed, and the rental bedding that I ordered before I came was waiting for me there.

There is a room with a toilet and a sink in, and next to that the shower room which is a shower and a bath tub in moulded plastic. The bath is a small Japanese size one with one of those fold out bath top covers that you use to keep it warm. I wasn't sure where to have the shower - in the bath or in the bit outside the bath that still seemed to have a waterproof feeling and a drain and everything. I just had it in the bath tub because it felt weird standing outside the bath to shower. I think that might be sort of wrong, but it's my room now so I suppose I can do whatever I want.

I fell asleep then for about 4 hours. Then Sophie rang and asked if I wanted to get out and do something, so I went into the lobby and some exchange students from Korea/Taiwan said they'd show us around campus. It's about 10 minutes walk to the campus from International House, and the campus itself seems really nice. They showed us the place for International Students, and there's a pool and other stuff too. I found it hard to take it all in because I was very tired.

We came back for a bit, and I asked one of the girls if I could borrow her log on information so that I could use the internet and message my mum and stuff. I spent a bit of time of facebook, and managed to talk to Alex only really briefly because then everyone left to get some food. We went to a little restaurant with a cool ticket machine system. You put your money in, push the button of the meal you want and then you get a ticket. You write your table number on the ticket, and then give it to the chef. It was hard finding something veggie, but I was given some help and had some ramen with sort of deep fried vegetables on top and udon noodles. It was nice, but I found it really hard to eat and couldn't finish it. I probably didn't even eat half, I was just sad and exhausted and overwhelmed.

It's been really hard to talk to people. My Japanese is so bad - and I know it's better than what it's coming across as because I'm just so rattled and tired and sad so no words are coming into my head. And most of the other people speak English so they often try to help me by speaking to me in English. But I don't want them to think I'm stupid, and I need to speak Japanese if I'm going to learn. I can have an ok conversation in Japanese if I can get out the words that come into my head.

When came back and I said I was going to bed. The net isn't working again now because the log in I had timed out, and I don't want to go and ask again now, so I'll just wait until tomorrow when I will hopefully get my own. I just want to skype with Alex, I miss him so much and it's hardly been any time. I think it's just the pain of separation right now, the thought of being so far away from home is very very scary.

Another thing - it's really really hot. Like MEGA hot, when I had a shower I needed another one almost right away because I just got so sweaty and gross so quickly.

Tomorrow I have to get into uni at 10am for the orientation day. And then on friday there is a welcome party. I know I'll be okay, and everyone is being super nice to me and stuff, I just feel exhausted and everything is too much and I want to be at home with my boy and my mum and my kitty. I knew it was going to be hard, but actually feeling it is so much different to knowing you're going to feel it.

At the orientation I suppose we will get shown round all of the campus, and then we have to pay for all our things so I have to take a lot of yen with me. I hope we get our usernames and things so I can access the internet easily. I also need to go shopping and buy things, because I have no pans, bowls, cutlery or food. I also need a bin, and some toilet roll because there is actually none here right now, which I think is a bit mean. I want some blutac to stick my photos on the walls. The walls are already totally wrecked so I'm not worried about sticking stuff on them.

I just want to talk to my Alexy, and say goodnight and that I love him, but I can't. It's just unbelievably hard not to just want to give up and go home. I know it'll get better, but a whole year is such a stupidly long time. Every time I see anything from home I start crying again. My mum sneaked a card from her into my luggage that I'm going to save to open on my birthday, but it made me cry just seeing it. Right now I just want it to be over. Pretty pathetic, I haven't even been here a whole day yet.

I think I might have a placement test some time next week that I need to study for. I have to get into a decent set because otherwise I won't have learned enough to continue my studies when I get back to Leeds and that would just be a total waste of time. Tomorrow I also need to email Morimoto-sensei and tell him we all got here okay.


I really need to have a good long cry, listen to some Dan Brown and go to sleep.